Chapter 35

Well after months and months of having this blog, I am fully aware of where I need to begin.  Truth be told, fear of rejection keeps us from accomplishing our goals.  So here I finally am…

I would like to share an entry from one of my journals from 2017.  I want you to know that my story does not begin or end with domestic violence, but it definitely had a chapter in my life.

Jolts of electricity run through me.  Acid bubbles on my skin.  Seared heart ringing ears singing songs of sadness.  Salted wounds.  Aching soul.  Need to be protected.  I just want to feel safe.  I am judged and exposed for the world to see.  Broken and empty.  Bruises heal but words never go away.  I can never forget who I used to be but will never be loved for who I am.

*Constantly having the soundtrack of my past on repeat and I can never find the power switch.  My past will never be silent.  Its not me the ghosts of my past haunting me- its him.  They rattle their chains in his mind and he can never outrun their haunting melody* Shaking him down until he has no choice but to unleash them on me.

I am alone.  I can’t run.  The storm is all around me.  Cold and dark the words pound down like sleet and hail beating, bashing, slashing me down.  I am in a vortex.  Everything goes black.  When I come to, I am surrounded by destruction.  Piles of pain are everywhere.  My eyes burn my chest is aching.  Nothing is clear.  Nothing is fair.  The ghosts of my pasts are giving wicked grins knowing they’ve had another victory.

I am publishing this because I want to be as transparent as I can with y’all.  Domestic violence is NEVER OK, but it happens everyday.  An abusive relationship is one of the loneliest places you can be.  Fearful to stay, but terrified to leave.

I thank my God everyday for the hedge of protection He placed around me and my daughters.  I am more than abundantly grateful my daughters were not direct victims of the darkness.  We are completely out of the darkness, and living our best lives.

Although I do not want my entire blog to be focused around domestic violence, I do want to let you know you are not alone.  Its real and its raw and its no respecter of age, race, gender, social status, or economic status.  Speak up and speak out I am always here to listen.  Be someone’s voice if they don’t have their own.

Thank you for letting me share my story.  I am honored and humbled.

XOXO,

The Single Flamingo

#speakup

#speakout

#metoo

 

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